It was a late evening call after work to check on Ibukun only to find myself listening to his office woes. In mid-sentence, he broke out, “Frances, am I this daft? Honestly, this man has so finished me that I could barely tell if he is really telling who I am or not”
My son David at 2 years always referred to his twin brother by his own name, as though it was something to be shared and each time I corrected him, “You are David, and he is Daniel” he would soon revert to his own mode.
When we came to terms that he was still discovering who he is against who his brother is to him, we then gave up and let him grow to awareness at his own pace.
Have you ever found yourself asking questions like;
Who am I?
What am I?
What am I doing here?
Where do I come from?
Where am I going to?
Does your conclusion scare you or make you proud? This we will know as we go through this article.
From creation, humans have been plagued with the question of identity which may not perfectly be answered till one’s life is fully lived.
Many scientists, however, over time conducted numerous researches, digging right into the intricacies of human thinking to find out how we see ourselves only to leave all findings either inconclusive or mere speculation due to the complexity of our individuality.
As much as science teaches us evolution, living organisms have been observed at one point or the other, to always associate itself with other organisms for their unique
identification, therefore bringing us to the term social beings.
Social beings! a general way to describe humans, in which many great minds have douced their glow in succumb to the pressure it brings.
We find ourselves making remarks like, “John, Peter’s friend…” and many more, associating one person with another and woe betide John if Peter is assumed to be a black sheep in the society.
You and I know how that will affect the young man in question, John.
In a social experiment where a group of actors were to disagree with a particular young man whom everyone knew he was right, ended up with the young man switching his experience just to conform with what the majority said and held to that new belief even when tested subsequently.
Just as we see above, research has it that people tend to change the records of their memory simply to line up with the social group they perceive to be superior; also that one’s memory is 70% of who they are.
If that is the case, sadly you tend to change your identity whenever you change a belief or a memory. This, therefore, explains why people who lose their memory, lose their perception of who they are, just like Ibukun was already voicing out a phone conversation.
You may have similar examples or experiences to prove this fact.
Have you ever tried to define who you are without including your achievements,
qualifications, family, or social group?
Does your discovery scare you or make you proud?
I have good news for you.
Low self-esteem, procrastination, guilt, anxiety, and approval addiction can be cured without drugs or bogus procedures. It only takes a little change in your behaviour.
I remember being called weird by my peer group, in most of my teenage years, on those occasions where I found no fun in what was in vogue. If I were to play by their rules, I would have changed my concept of the experience and began to act like they did. Instead, I took it up as a challenge to seek my personal happiness. Though the journey was not without its weather, I now appreciate how that decision to focus on my happiness pulled me out of depression, self-harm and condemnation.
If you are reading this right now and still wondering who you are in comparison to what society or your family says you are, all I have for you is to dig into your happiness, in it lies who you truly are.
What are those things that give you fulfillment when you do them?
What makes you smile when you go to bed?
What is it that once you find yourself doing you lose track of time?
Then what stops you from doing those things?
Why not start by giving out those pair of shoes that no longer fit if you see yourself as a philanthropist. Make a promise to yourself, if possible get a trusted accountability person and start taking actions towards those things that drive your innermost happiness.
It could be helping your neighbour watch her child, or run errands. Or visit a carpenter and offer to learn. Or start saving for or take a trip you’ve been dreaming about.
Or taking a course that will lead you to your ultimate goal.
You know what makes you happy, Just Do IT.
It doesn’t have to be big, it has to be what you love.
It is a psychological fact that once you do something you fear, you create a fresh neural pathway that allows you to do it better a second time.
In his bestseller, The Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell succinctly proved that consistency makes a better craftsman. In a simpler way, “Practise makes perfect”
You can start today and get better each passing day.
In my next article, I will be leading you through a journey on how to create your inner voice, beat shyness, public shaming, and living your best.
In conclusion, I would like to take you back to where we started;
You are certainly not who you think you are, YOU ARE MUCH MORE!
