My aunt and my grandpa have always been my sweethearts that I don’t take for granted. So, when she called me, I didn’t hesitate to get home that weekend.
She made a special food for me and even gave me drinks. I started suspecting something. I kept asking her why she called me home and she said I would get to find out by Sunday.
Fast forward to Sunday afternoon, I went to visit my aunt who lived down the road. As I returned back home, I saw a Siena and a bike parked right in front of our gate. I wondered if grandpa had visitors. I walked inside and when I looked at my grandpa’s house, I saw his friend, Pa Ijezie, and a young man that I didn’t recognize.
My aunt quickly ran out of the parlour introducing me to the young man. As my aunt left, he asked me to sit down.
Now, at that time, BlackBerry was the bomb! Then seeing someone with Android was like a ‘finish me already scenario’. He was holding a Techno phone. All those massive ones that looked like a tablet.
He flashed it in my face a couple of times. In my mind, I kept laughing in the old Roman style. He asked for my course of study and level. I told him. He asked if I was on Facebook. I told him I was and he requested my name. I told him.
He brought out his ‘Phonblet’ as he tried surfing Facebook for my profile. Just then, one of grandpa’s friends walked in and was telling my grandpa about the bike outside.
“Aneti, the bike outside isn’t locked and may be stolen while we are here talking. The bike isn’t safe”. He told grandpa.
My grandpa started asking for the person who parked the bike outside. I immediately told my grandpa that it wasn’t my supposed visitor. The guy immediately cut us short saying he parked the bike.
I looked at him. I was tired. So who the hell had the car? It had happened that a visitor from the next building did.
I knew I had to make right, all that happened.
” So what do you do?” I asked.
“I work in a bank” he said.
“Which bank?” I asked again.
“You don’t need to know. When the time is right, you will know. But it is the biggest bank in Nigeria” he said.
I was fuming in my mind. What’s with the whole serenren? Biggest bank in Nigeria ba wo? Like how is that my problem right now?
I quickly stared at his shoes and my heart was broken. “Uncle you can’t be flashing this phonblet and your shoe doesn’t match. You can’t be doing shakara for me o. It should be the other way round” I thought.
Uncle kept interviewing me. He asked me if I always looked the way I was looking – fixed nails, makeup on the fleekiest fleek, leggings, long top, shoe, hair braided etc
I looked into his eyes and said yes! “And I intend to make it better” I added.
Abba father! The young man must have thought he met a mini witch or maybe an upcoming runs girl. I honestly wanted to laugh. He kept looking at me like I needed to be washed by River Naija.
He stood up and told my grandpa he was going. My grandpa bade him farewell. Then he looked at me and said he would get back to me later.
In my mind I kept yelling “Uncle, this is not an audition. Don’t get back to me. You can’t. You won’t.”
He. Never. Did.
That is how they would have sold me to slavery. That is how I would have been dreaming of working in the biggest bank. That is how I would have been ‘priding’ upandan with Phonblet.
Don’t get me wrong – I had a major problem with his attitude. Dude is looking for wife, yet is doing shakara. Adon gerrit. He looked like someone that I would be fighting with even when he would be at work. So, I really, I didn’t bother my head.
I went back to school. Weeks and months passed. I even got connected to a ‘supposed’ cousin. She came to my room one day showing me a picture.
“Do you know this guy?” I looked at the photo and said “No”.
She told me how awesome a cousin he had been to her, bla, bla, bla.
“Aunty Ann will call you. I gave her your number ” she said.
I looked at her ready to use my frying pan close to me to make her head flatter as I lightly said “OK”
“Wakanda problem is this? ” I thought to myself